My Three Hour Nap & The Blanket Thief

So I got to go to sleep early last night, but of course I only got a few hours of rest. It doesn't matter if I am shaken awake by dreams or not anymore. It just seems I can no longer sleep more then 3 hours in a row. While that is distressing it's nothing compared to the next, and yes I'm talking about the blanket thief. There are time where I can't get enough of this girl. She's got just the right amount of crazy, adventurous, just a little tomboyish, and already knows of the evil things I am capable of ( I have know her for over 4 years) . Yet at times those feel like the problems as well, it's difficult to explain. So I will just use the excuse that she steals my blanket....and took my pillows too last night. The real problem I see is that she has that cute innocent angelic sleeping face, so it's really hard for me to ruin such a peaceful moment. Yet I'm sure if she keeps this up I promise those nights aren't gonna last.

" Hope For A New Day "

All alone on the ferris wheel, looking down on the world I despise so much. Though I had my eyes fixed on them, I have lost sight of the stars. Never ending dreams on sleepless nights have my nerves wrecked. When the dawn finally comes they disappear, leaving me standing there alone once again. He who believes in the future is genuine at heart, as I think that I start to shiver. You told me once that I could not move anyone's heart. After cleaning my ugly soul, I do not see the truth behind your words. The past can not be changed, and it is futile to even try. Even while I rest, I can never stop the pain I have grown accustomed to. To open a new door, anyone would be scared and full of anxiety by the mere thought. However If I recall the times you stood by me, strength flows into me to heal my weary back. Faster then the darkening sky, I rush to the hopeful sky of tomorrow. There is no fear in my step, no matter how painful today might be. Everytime you hurry past, we hit and tear each other upon impact. Embraced in unclean, impure arms we felt the pain of the other's wings. In times you can not return and are lost, you turn your eyes downward.even the words you believed in are gone, and your color has left. Once yout tears begin to overflow, it is alright do not hold them back. Though th path is sad, there is light at the end of it. Looking back at my erased memories, I also had those same feelings. I am trying to conceal the painful reality, that shows me I can not be there for you to cry on. Mountains seem endlessly higher, when their pebbles are at your feet. People search within themselves, caught up on thinking of what never helped. If you are still falling into despair, there is one more thing I want you to know. I will be there for you whenever you might need me. You do not need to hide your fears from me. You are not alone, all your troubles have an ending. In the footsteps of those who have gone before, we can flee with no fear of getting lost. With trust and hope in our souls we will face down the darkness, nothing can stand in the way. I have one ally that is you, so do not give up on your dreams just yet. No matter of what trials and torments may greet us on this journey I am coming to tell you. How happy I am to have met you, my dear friend.

My Sweet Addiction And The Plan To Quit

Ok so I thought I would take a break from being creative and talk about something personal for a bit. Growing up my father used to smoke cigerettes, I couldn't stand it back then. I still remember the big plastic cup he had on the deck in the backyard that he used as an ashtray. It always seemed to be full of black water and cigerette butts, the smell was atrocious. For a couple of years for the science fair I used to work on the effects of smoking on the heart and lungs. Then my oldest brother was the one who also began to smoke, although for some reason it didn't bother me as much. Unfortionally it was my turn to take up the mantle of this addiction. I started to smoke when I was in Israel, although at the time it was more of a social habit. My smoking took a turn to a regular basis when we moved to Baltimore, for at times it felt like the only way to deal with the stress. Those topics I will touch on in another post. So for around the past year I have been thinking more and more about quitting, yet I really didn't give it enough motivation. That was up until last month when I saw an advertisement for a smoker study that could help people quit. Last week I was accepted into it, the study will last about six weeks. I am kinda nervous and excited at the same time, cause the " quit day" is this Wednesday. It seems a little quick and yet not fast enough. Anyhow hopefully this study will help me get rid of this habit, and I will have the willpower to stay away.

" A Tale Of Loss" * NEW *

When I look back, I can see the outline of your unchanging smile. I want to hear the truth from your voice. The choice of being with you again is no longer possible. For I can not flow back to the center of our time. Whenever I caught you eye, you taught me how I should be. You never had to force your smiles for anyone, so you grinned for my behalf. Hearing your voice did not always shake the foundation of my soul. Yet it is difficult to block out when coming from my memories. That day, the dark side of your face was present on the other side of the phone. I know that the words emerging from your mouth, had gotten you scared. As I look at the sky, it blurs faintly. My chest starts to pound painfully, when I remember that one time. That the eyes that beamed affection, had turned insufferable. Your face never showed the fighting pose you were about to take. I want to get over this constant pain, and somehow get closer to where you once were. The lovers I pass walk shoulder to shoulder, now that you are gone I feel it's biting cold. I assumed I would always be able to make you smile. In that soft gentle way, like it was the day we met. All alone under this vast night's sky, I do not know what else to think of. I wonder how much time will pass until my suffering can end. That tragic event had derailed me, yet I am not lost nor is there anything to fear. Even under this ceaseless torture, I know I must continue on. For your words are nothing but lingering shadows from my past. Trying to search for your hidden face in a crowd, will only delay my healing. With that in mind I can be certain in one truth. There is no need for destiny, when tomorrow can shine powered by my own will. The thread of a dream you always talked about. Your favorite line that you saved for my ears alone. It would be easier to forget them all, yet I want to remember every single one. In moments such of this I am overwhelmed by memories of you, too tender and warm.

" A Family Of Deranged Minds "

With abnormalities of the mind, we are all one family. In this age we are the majority of the populace. We are the necessity to bring in the new era. This world has gone mad with the seven deadly sins of man. Somehave gone lazy with sloth, only moving to fill their gluttonous hunger. The very way of our survival has succumbed to the notion of lust, enticing us into the un-ending pit of wasteful things. While others try to feed their greed be watching us with envious eyes, biding their time till they strike. Even the leaders of this planet go on a wrath fueled rampage. When the useless pride is stripped from their blood stained hands. So I ask you my dear family, take to the streets and overcome these chains that bind us. Depression and anxiety will be our radars, to alert us of the back stabs that are sure to come. Sadistic and masochistic tendencies to increase our tolerance for pain, and return it three-fold to those walking corpses. Bi-polar and obsessive compulsive disorders to confuse, and distract our enemies who try to stop us from completing our goals. We shall make them rue the day, we were made to be as rebels and outcasts. For there is no obstruction they put in our way, that we can not triumph over together. Dulling all our combined senses to evil, continue to fight as if tomorrow will never come for us. Though we might be tainted by these evokes along the way, it is a needed self-sacrifice to push forward. We shall make them yield to give us a clear trail, as they are crushed beneath our relentless assault. So rage against the masses who deemed us unworthy, then watch them be swallowed by the darkness of their regret. Then this world will be led by a new brand of saints and sinners. Filled with the glorious noise of psychotic madness. Brother take that default and make it your own, then watch it fight alongside you. Sisters use that hinderance to advance through, see it shielding you on all fronts. As a family born of deranged minds, nothing shall stand to block our path. So join with me my siblings, and let us bring about the ruination of this dreadful time.

" War On Humanity "

The deeper the darkness the brighter the shine, right? If so then, I will convert my should to the blackest of all evils. This world of man is cruel and unjust. Keep watch over the eyes that behold hypocrisy. It is all a warning, from the tusks of punishment we go to kill our natural enemy. Be that as it may, I no longer have any desire to triumph over them. I shall swing my unholy sword amidst the flames. The smells of rotten flesh that belonged to the fallen are that of a minor annoyance. For those who walk this path of carnage can never re-trace their steps. With the light born of this new revelation, what might the truth be? Though it is sought out relentlessly, there is no foreseen end to this cage of chaos. One by one we are born into this blood soaked era. Only to be handed sword and shield upon exiting the womb. We then bare our blades against the bows of our " brothers" . Even if the world rots away, these troublesome wars will not cease. The world with it's red sky is now here, flowers are forever stained and withered. Trampled upon by the betrayer of mankind, who has no love for righteous virtues. With promises of greed in the typical future, he lures more of the ignorant masses into his command. His actions will most likely create an eternal war. For you can not fix the vice that will never vanish. I will not let any of them get in my way, it is simple to take pity. However without salvation, it leaves a hollow and bitter taste in my already hoarse throat. Under this demon sun solitude shall surely become my sole ally. As far eyes can see upon the volcanic plains behind me, all there is to be seen are the corpses of friend and foe. In this broken and corrupt world, I pledge to fight on until this body turns to blood red dust and smoldering ash. When this battle is finally done with the righteous staring over the wicked. I hope I still can rise to show you a world that can shine during midnight's hour. Then and only then, could I lay this devil sword to rest. Hanging my armor to wash, and walking into the new dawn

" Lost Religion "

What a terrible dream, no matter how mush I scream. She kept slipping away through my arms, disappearing into the darkness of my heart. Now that I can not find her, all I want to do is hold on tight and never let go. Even if on my travels I should get hurt, I will not give up the path that leads to her. I had been gazing at her stoic figure, what else was there to do but wonder. Scars that are over flowing with sadness can not be erased, as I try not to forget what I was once told. " Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Feel like you were just reborn. Face all like you were to live forever." if these were only a kindness then they can not heal my current self. Yet she was one in the world to give me such, and let me know boundless love. When I grew tired of crying and finally drifted into a light sleep, she was there to cover me in warmth. One day I will meet her in the end, when the final bell ceases to chime. In the flow of time the last smile twinkles as it dies, now only it's cold shadow is left behind. I had lost something important that day, and had my heart crushed by sorrow. Ceaselessly walking I try to engrave the world's memories with my presence. Supposing someone had been hurt by her crimson hands, there is no fault which I can find. I am always watching out to find her, for she is my reason to keep going. Throwing away everything I do not need, I can not yet give up the last purity in my heart. In a street blackened by midnight's sky, I wonder if all is lost to me. Even if I am by myself, far from this desolate city I know she will find me. Even if I do not remember a thi, she will remind me of what I once was. Yet what shall be done if I remember everything?

My Orginal Works

Now time to explain more on what you might be reading here. I am ( some might say always have been) a dark thinker. So happy fluffy feel good things are not what you are going to see here. Mostly I write about hate, rage, loss, and yearning. Some may portray my emotions behind them more clearly. While others will have a deep seeded " vibe" of those feelings. I don't exactly have an exact writing style which kind of leaves everything open for me to play with and experiment on. Now even though I have always been able to write to convey my thoughts better then speaking, there are two ppl who in ways do motivate me. One who if I would have to compare myself to any famous writer would be D.T, who was a famous poet/ alcoholic/ pyromanic. My close frieds would know the reasons I can see myself in him other the how I write. Then there is J.V a very disturbed mind who I may qoute from time to time in my personal thoughts ( non-writings), He is the creator of JTHM and I.Z. My major problem is though, that I am more and more running out of things to motivate me into writing. Not that I don't have things to write on but for the words to actually start flowing I need things. Right now I have yet to find the right key factor, for sometime now it has been dark fast and semi hard music. Yet I can see that it is starting to lose the wanted effects. I have also noticed that when I get like this everything I have wrote and was content with is up for revision. There was one piece that had five different versions, I finally picked the one I liked most and got rid of the rest. However now I'm not too sure about that one, which is really the reason I started this. Hopefully someone out here will be willing and able to give me some constructive criticism.

Introduction

Recently someone I know made an obvious realization come to light. When it came to my self proclaimed frame of mind and creative pieces ( which we will touch on later). While I did ( and still do) to him that I can be " showing " an outward personality full of hate and rage, there should be no reason where I can not be happy as well. For if one can hate an emotion as love, why can not I love the feeling of hate? Normally I will not be talking about the events of my life, for they are somewhat meaningless in attempt to stick with this website. Yet if there is something I need to get out it will most probably be put on here. On the subject of me being " happy " and not showing it. There is not much to really say on that, I just find it is an easier way to survive. For misery loves company and if others were to see me happy they would surely be tempted to drag it way from my hands. The one thing that I will stress and I have seen all over every kind of book, is to be happy with yourself. I may not have my ideal job, or be living where I really want to be. I am happy for one aspect and that is my choices have made me who I am, and will always bring me into tomorrow.Now back to the aforementioned " creative pieces " , they are really they sole reason for me to be starting this. For a couple of months now I have been writing regularly, and posting them to my private profile. Only to feel as if only a few friends read them, and yet even from those few none really have the ability to offer the feedback I desire. Guys if you are reading this I'm sorry, I don't mean anything harmful by it. So the best I am hoping out of this is to find some feedback that could help my writing elevate to a higher level. The worst I can expect, no one else reads it and it is all a waste of time.