My weekend mid day nap

So once again I was up for almost 20 consecutive hours till I decided to take a couple pills to help me sleep. It's not that I can't sleep it's that I have very vivid dreams , ones that I can remember for days on end. So I fight it cause even though I know that my past makes me who I am, I don't like reliving those memories. These meeds I'm given are supposed to make for a dreamless sleep or make it that I can't remember them.....needless to say it's not working. I woke up how I normally do after one of these dreams. I jerk awake like I just had a nightmare in a cold sweat my sheets are wet from it, and I have been crying. Yes I know before I said I don't dry out of sadness I should revise that statement. When I'm awake and running my daily life and I feel like I'm gonna cry it's like a switch shuts it off. I'll feel my eyes well up and water my nose will start to run, and then " bam" nothing it's like it never happened. Yet when I sleep apparently this is not the case, which in a way makes me somewhat relieved for I know it isn't a physical condition. What troubles me is that it's a mental one, and pyscoligical scars are harder to heal then of the flesh. Also I am in middle of a major case of writters block. Nothing in my head is connecting, I have the thoughts but when I have the pen ready to write all that comes is junk. Now more then ever I feel like I need to, cause when I do it's like a purge. So many things have been going wrong lately , and it's taking all of my energy just to go on day to day. Quitting smoking followed by my auto accident which has me on painkillers and muscle relaxants. Then a friend of mine passes away, top it all off with the lack of work and no money it's just all adding up to quickly. So things that suck right now, no friends nearby , no job, running outta money, and can't even count health at the moment. Things look bleak but I gotta keep my head up, I have always been able to find humor in dark places let's hope I can do it now. Ild love to end this entry on a brighter note but two things.... That isn't me and life doesn't always work that way. So bye for now hopefully things will turn around soon.